Week 13

Ranking Team Name



VooDoo Daddies

Who cares that they scored only 28 points last week. Bateson was content by walking away with his 1st place Conference finish and the check that goes along with it. As Bateson said, "Pff chff, I don't care about going undefeated. This is a business; it's all about the money. I have a wife and a daughter at home, and I need to put food on the table!" Because Bateson has already locked up the AFC title, this game is once again meaningless. So even if Culpepper does not play this week, Bateson will be sitting at home counting his winnings.


Mario, etc.

Just to clear up the record: there has been some confusion about whether or not Bill Walsh College Football was actually a game made for the Nintendo. The answer is a resounding yes. It was a game made for the Super Nintendo in 1993. It featured 24 college football teams from that year and 24 of the greatest college football teams of all time, including the 1987 Florida St. Seminoles. Okay, with that behind us... I see the All-Stars finishing the year 9-3 in a game that is completely worthless to Kevin Roach. On a positive note, Warner should rebound from his disappointing game against the Bucs as he tries to silence all the critics. 300 yds and 4 TDs is very likely...



Adam Marshall has been swinging deals faster than Rudy Luther. As a result, the Lennies have taken on a whole new look after just 2 weeks of trades. With Marvin Harrison and Terrell Owens leading the Lenny cause, who needs RBs and a decent QB? Marshall has locked 2 of the best WR for the future, but his fate for this year might sorely depend on his recent dealings. This week means nothing to the Lennies, but I still see him coming away with the victory. Look for Owens to have a decent game against Buffalo. Aaron Brooks seems a cinch for a monster outing as the Saints destroy the Panthers at home. The Lennies finish the year 10-2 and build momentum towards a playoff run.


Ghetto Blasters

After bouts of verbal abuse from brother-in-law Bateson, "Pff chff pff, what are you thinking Al, you have to get another WR," Bernick finally gave in and completed his first trade in league history. Although, Conway is only spotty at best, and doesn't add much depth to Al's squad. This week the Blasters have their toughest test of the season in facing the Mario Bros. All-Stars. Look for Faulk and Bettis to provide all of the Blasters offense as they destroy the Panthers and Vikings D lines. In the end, Bernick will secure himself a position in the upper half of the 2001 NFC playoffs


Playerz Club

The Playerz secured a WR that could make or break their team down the stretch. The younger Schwie dealt Priest Holmes in return for Torry Holt, in a move that will drastically improve the Playerz receiving tandem. This week the Playerz face older brother Brad, in a game that has huge playoff implications, not to mention Schwie bragging rights on the line. Look for the Playerz to get huge offensive production from Tim Brown as he thrashes the miserable Arizona secondary. Torry Holt should also perform nicely in his debut as he runs around the Falcons D backs while managing to squeeze out 90 yds and a TD. Tom Brady should be steady as he faces the Jets in New York. After all is said and done, I see the Playerz coming out on top and grabbing the final position in the upper half of the NFC playoff bracket.


Johnny's Mnemonics

Trent Green + 4 draft picks = Peyton Manning
Apparently Nemo and Chaffee seemed to think so. This will probably go down as the biggest trade in our league history. I can see it now, Peyton Manning rupturing his Achilles tendon or tearing his ACL and boom, just like that, Chaffee's team is down the drain... Because of Nemo's recent dealings it will take an act of God to get him past the Lennies and into the playoffs. Dominic Rhodes will be completely stuffed by the Ravens fierce defense. Mike Anderson also appears to have his hands full this week, as he travels to Miami. Trent Green, ish ish ish! Mnemonics lose bad to the Lennies.


Schwie's Ladies

The Schwie's couldn't have written a better finish to the regular season than this. The Elder Schwie and the Baby Schwie face off in a game that will decide the 3rd NFC team to make the playoffs. Brad will be looking for a big game from Jeff Garcia against Buffalo. I see Garcia having an average game, 250 yds, and 2 TDs. Stiff Eddie George will surely have another lousy day against the Browns in Cleveland. Look for George to rush for 65 yds and receive another 30. Tony Gonzalez will also have his work cut out for him in Philadelphia, so don't expect much from him either. It appears that Brad will suffer the agony of defeat as he stumbles into the consolation bracket at 5-7.


Ragin' Asians

The Asians just may have found the missing link to their 2001 squad. Forget that it cost him half of next year's team, his 401k, and personal dignity. I look for Chaffee to storm the Daddies this week with huge performances from Shaun Alexander and Ladanian Tomlinson. Peyton Manning, on the other hand, will have a poor outing against a tough Raven defense. Although, I do see Chaffee coming away with the victory and creating a 3-way tie for 3rd place.


Johnnie RATS

Tim Davis is peddling those 3 lousy QBs worse than a State Fair Carnie. Much like Chaffee's team, Davis is in good shape for this year, but screwed for the future. For now, look for Favre and Ahman Green to destroy the Jaguars defense in Green Bay on Monday night. Antowain Smith should also fair nicely against the Niners in San Fran. Look for Davis and the Rats to defeat the Mystery Machine and move to 5-7.


D's Bitches

Trade weary Derek Wolter faces the lowly Shock Jokes in a must win game for the Bitches this week. Stud Rich Gannon should have a monster game at home against the miserable Arizona Cardinals. Look for him to throw for 3 TDs and rush for 1 more. Isaac Bruce, SHOULD have a good game against the struggling Falcons defense (key word should). Ultimately, I look for the Bitches to slide past the Doctors and join the 3-way tie for 3rd in the AFC.


Mystery Machine

This once above .500 ball club has since lost 6 in a row and seem poised to make an early exit from the consolation playoffs. This week the Mystery Machine rolls into Collegeville to take on the Johnnie Rats. Team owner and Mystery Machine driver Josh Eschenbach will be confronted by a mob of gay white men, wearing flannel-shirts and Twins ball caps, as he enters the St. John's campus. As the group of Johnny's trash the Mystery Machine, an angry 3-bean will struggle for his nail gun in the back of the van. As the scared mob retreats back to their dorms to circle-jerk and drink Busch Light, 3-bean will be left scratching his head wondering how he is going to drive back to the cities. Look for Josh to lose his 7th in a row and fall to 3-9.


Shock Doctor

The Shock Jokes have endured the worst season in their franchise history. Front office problems between team owners Hudoba and Wilson have led to the demise of the Doctors. Rob Wilson has emphatically stated that he wants to move the team to Alaska. Cohort, Tony Hudoba is firmly committed to keeping the team in the Twin Cities. Hudoba has cited that their recent drop in revenue is more than likely due to the struggling economy, not their fleeting Twin Cities fan base. Either way look for the Doctors to fall to 1-11 as team management continues to unwind.