Week 11

Ranking Team Name




Marshall and his 89 White Geo Metro were last seen driving by Har Mar Mall with bits and pieces of a Red Schwinn 10 speed stuck in its front grill. The Lennies completely destroyed the Ladies behind a huge effort from Marvin Harrison, and a decent outing from Garrison Hearst. The Lennies will manage to keep it in cruise control until the playoffs begin.


Ragin' Asians

Chaffee Tran and his talk of Kevan Barlow have become about as annoying as The Computer Professor commercials. This week Tran pulls ahead in the division title race, as a hobbled Marshall Faulk dooms the Daddies. Although, Bateson will get sweet revenge when he is rematched against the Asians' in 3 weeks. And the league shouted cheers of rejoice as Chaffee was thoroughly destroyed by the Voodoo Daddies in the playoffs.


VooDoo Daddies

The race for the AFC is now a tie between Bateson's VooDoo Daddies and the Ragin Asians. With a gimpy Marshall Faulk, things are looking a bit dicey for Bateson. Although, lucky for the Daddies, as Moss squares off against the Pack at home this Sunday. Bledsoe should also scorch KC for at least 300 and 3 TDs. Although, in the end I just don't see this being enough, Daddies lose a heartbreaker.


Schwie's Ladies

As the Red Schwinn and the Red BMX (Widmer) stopped in at Q to pick up some spree and 32 oz. belch buckets they noticed a crappy 89 White Geo Metro slowly pulling in behind them. As Schwie yelled Lennie, the two bikes began to race away. The Red BMX could not keep up and was forced to pull off behind TJ Maxx. The White Geo did not even flinch, Lennie and Jo Boo had their sights set on the Red Schwinn. As Brad shifted into the rarely used 10th gear he suddenly gained a surge of speed and passed Circus going 20+ mph. The White Geo sputtered and barely managed to keep up. As they rounded the corner taking a right behind Highland Electronic Store, the White Geo lost both of its hubcaps on the driver side. The Red Schwinn tried to cut off in the buffer zone; although, the entrance was blocked off by lawn furniture and smashed up downspouts. Schwie was forced to make the move for the Ryan Ave entrance at the corner of the lot. As the Red Schwinn reached a speed of almost 30 mph, the White Geo was floored and slowly began catching the sugar filled Schwie. As Use Your Illusion 1 blared from the White Geo, Marshall began ramming the back of the Red Schwinn, causing the grocery bag rack to fall off. Schwie peddled harder, but it was too late. The White Geo had crushed the back wheel of the Red Schwinn, sending Schwie flying through the air. Lucky for Brad as he landed on a pile of stolen toilet paper and eggs that had been discarded by the Blue Schwinn and the Red High Plains (Flight Pattern). While Schwie managed to escape unscathed, his Red Schwinn was not so lucky. As Brad quickly mixed 2 Drano bombs and tossed them at the White Geo, he yelled, "Damn you Eddie George!"


Ghetto Blasters

The New Orleans Blasters have been on a tear. Winning 5 of their last 6 games, Al Bernick seems poised to make a run deep into the playoffs. Barring any natural disasters in New Orleans, look for Al to pick up wins in his last two games and finish off the year 7-5. Pretty darn impressive considering he started out 0-4.


Playerz Club

With nothing better to do, the Blue Schwinn and the Red High Plains (Tim Winn) decided to make a run to Snyders to purchase as much candy as they could for $5. While at Snyders, the Blue Schwinn decided that candy, toilet paper, and eggs would be needed for their mischievous evening. The Red High Plains purchased: 1 package of Chuckles, 2 snickers bars, 1 lb. bag of Sour Patch Kids, and 4 Spree. The total, $4.97. As the Red High Plains breathed a sigh of relief, the Blue Schwinn was busy in back stealing 4 family size packages of toilet paper and 4 dozen eggs. As the Blue Schwinn rode out the back of the store, in the process knocking over a Pepsi machine and pooping on the Pharmacy countertop, Red High Plains knew the mission had been a success. As Blue Schwinn and Red High Plains met up in front of the Har Mar Movie Theater, they noticed that trouble was lurking behind, it was none other than Dave the pathetic security guard... Continued on Flight Pattern ranking


Bill Walsh All Stars

Scoring 79 points and still losing. That has been the luck of Bill Walsh over the last few weeks. Dropping the last 3 games in a row, Kevin Roach is doomed to duke it out with the other garbage squads in the toilet bowl playoffs. This week, Kevin Roach manages to keep a dwindle of hope alive as he defeats the Johnnie Rats.


Shock Doctors

Is it too little too late for the Dink Doctors? Hanging on at 4-6, the Doctors are making one final push to secure a spot in the NFC playoffs. In order to do that, the Doctors have a must win game this week. Big games out of James Stewart and Michael Vick seem very likely, but at this point, it looks the Playerz will have more than enough to dismantle the Doctors of Dink.


Johnnie RATS

The season can't end soon enough for the Johnnie Rats. Losing their last 5 in a row, the Homo Rats are looking ahead at the toilet bowl playoffs. Don't worry Tim, it'll all be over in 3 weeks.


Flight Pattern (tie)

...As Dave neared, they noticed the passenger side door of his Ford Ranger fly open followed by some mall slut being pushed out of the cab. As the Brown Ranger accelerated, Blue Schwinn and Red High Plains quickly headed behind Ground Round and into the wide open parking lot. The 4 packages of toilet paper were discarded along the buffer zone along with 2 dozen of the eggs. The other 24 eggs would be used as ammo against Brown Ranger. As the 81 Ranger drew closer, Blue Schwinn and Red High Plains quickly launched a massive attack on Dave. The front windshield of the Brown Ranger was covered in eggs; thus, forcing Dave to stop and clean off his windshield. As Blue Schwinn and Red High Plains made their way out of the parking lot and back onto Ryan Ave, they slowed to a leisurely pace. After several minutes, they noticed something out of the corner of their eyes. It was Brown Ranger heading due east down Ryan Ave and gaining at a blistering pace. Blue Schwinn quickly accelerated, meanwhile Red High Plains chain fell off. As Blue Schwinn looked back he noticed the disabled Red High Plains, but it was too late, Red High Plains had been destroyed by the Brown Ranger. As Blue Schwinn peddled home, he quickly began plotting his next attack against Har Mar Mall.


D's Bitches (tie)

After averaging a putrid 52 a game, the Bitches suddenly explode for 108! Where did this come from? Well, Gannon has been performing all year, so that was really no surprise. What was surprising were the performances from Isaac Bruce and James Mung"who???". This week the Bitches face the Ladies in a game that could still mean a Division title for the Ladies. Although, the Bitches will hope to play the part of the spoiler and diminish any hope that Brad had of winning the AFC. Although, it looks like it is back to another sub-60 performance for D's squad. Mungro will get stuffed by the Dallas defense; meanwhile, Bruce and Gannon have respectable days, but it is still not enough.


Johnnie Mnemonics

Will Nemo ever get a break? 6 in a row! There wouldn't be any better week to end the skid than the current. The Mnemonics face the Lennies in a game that has pride, playoff hopes, and trash-talking rights on the line. Sitting 2 games below .500, Nemo is on the verge of being statistically eliminated from a playoff spot. Who would've thought 6 weeks ago, when Nemo was 4-0 and riding McNabb harder than a D.C. intern that he might not make the playoffs? This week I see the upset of the year happening. McNabb regains his old form, Dillon rushes for 150 and 2 TDs, and Tim Brown finally gets into the endzone. 5-6 and barely alive we go!