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Week 10

Ranking Team Name

Comments

1.

VooDoo Daddies

Wow 8-0! Bateson worked his voodoo magic all over the Mario Bros. All-Stars last week. The Daddies still managed to score 70 points, keep in mind, he was without top his top QB and top WR. A phenomenal accomplishment! This week Bateson should roll to 9-0 as he topples the Ladies of Schwie. Look for Curtis Martin to poop all over the Chiefs defense in New York. Culpepper will put up solid numbers as he carries the load against the Philadelphia Eagles. Moss will continue to struggle, but who cares? Daddies to 9-0!

2.

Mario Bros. All Stars

In the game of the season, Kevin Roach and his All-Stars didn't even bother to show up. Albeit, Mario and Co. were without the services of Kurt Warner, but modest outings by Ricky Williams and Tiki Barber cost him a share of first place. This week will be a little bit better for the All-Stars. Warner faces the Carolina High Panthers and should be able to score at will. Ricky Williams goes up against a mediocre San Fran D, in what could be an interesting game. Although, I see Warner passing for 400 yards and 3 TDs and providing more than enough to score a victory over D's Bitches.

3.

Playerz Club

It was a calm Autumn Sunday in Roseville, the birds were chirping, the elderly were filing out of the St. Rose 9am mass (en route to Denny's), and the air had a fresh fall-like scent to it. Although this was not your typical fall smell of dried leaves. Instead it was a smell that resembled burnt tinfoil and a common household toilet cleaner, that, together, had been used to vandalize half of Roseville from the previous night. As the Schwie brothers biked through the neighborhood surveying and approving all the damage, they noticed a pathetic white Geo with pitch black tinted windows and white Kmart 12" rims slowly turning the corner down Ryan Ave. The brothers looked at each other and said, "Lenny." They upshifted into top gear and sped away. Story continued below at Lennies...

This week the Playerz will have their hands full as they face the Ghetto Blasters. Watch for the Playerz to receive solid production from Tom Brady as he faces the Bills in New England. Dillon and Holmes should have productive days on the road against Jacksonville and the Jets, respectively. I look for the Playerz to squeak by the Blasters in a tight battle.

4.

Lennies

Lenny floored his 3-cylinder Geo, in an effort to catch the speedy Schwinn 10 speeds, only to hear his hamster-like-powered motor sputter and then slowly accelerate. As Marshall approached his top speed (30mph) he had almost caught up to the Schwie's. As Marshall started to shriek his awful chant, "Your loss, is my gain," he began to ram the back of Wes' blue 10 speed. Upon his initial collision the tinfoil bumper and hood of the Geo crumpled like a cheap suit. As Marshall regrouped, Brad, on his red 10 speed, began concocting several more Drano bombs from the emergency stash he kept in the bag behind his seat. As Marshall attempted his second ramming, Brad knocked on the pitch black tinted window. As Lenny began to roll down his window, Brad tossed three 2-liter bottle Drano bombs into the Geo. The Schwie's both turned off into the Har Mar buffer zone and watched as the white Geo exploded into bits of white tinfoil. The brothers looked at each other and then pointed at the debris exclaiming, "Your loss is OUR gain."

This week the Lennies face an exhausted Mystery Machine in what may be a close battle. Brett Favre will make a statement this week as the Packers battle the Bears at Soldier Field. Look for Favre to pass for 300 yards and 2 TDs. Terrell Owens will have a modest game against the Saints. Although, Torry Holt should provide a spark for the Lennies as he destroys the pathetic Panther secondary. In the end look for the Lennies to drop another game and fall to 6-3.

5.

Schwie's Ladies

The Ladies have been on a hot streak, winning 3 of the last 4. Schwie barely slipped past the Mystery Machine last week. This week the Ladies have their toughest challenge of the season, the Voodoo Daddies. Lucky for Schwie, Eddie George is back and actually scored more than 1 point for him last week. Although, this week Eddie faces the rigid Baltimore defense. Bad news for George! I see him getting maybe 40 yards rushing and 30 more receiving. Schwie should see some solid production from Garcia as he takes on the Saints at home. Whether Brad starts Ron Dayne or Michael Pittman it really will not matter, the Ladies fall to 4-5.

6.

D's Bitches

Where did the Bitches come from? All of a sudden they are back to .500. What is the deal! Pretty impressive considering they still managed to score 59 points without Edgerrin James and Isaac Bruce. The Bitches mini 2 game win streak will get cut short this week against the Mario Bros. All-Stars. Isaac Bruce should have a huge day against the Carolina High Panthers. This will in essence, cancel out Kurt Warner's efforts for the All-Stars. Yet, Edgerrin James status remains in limbo and Wolter really does not have any backs worth mentioning past James. Rich Gannon should be good for his usual 20+ points. Yet in the end, Roach and the rest of the NES gang will be too much for the Bitches.

7.

Ghetto Blasters

28 points! Ish Ish Ish! The Blasters choked worse than Mariano Riviera of the Yankees. Starting Marshall Faulk on his bye week. Did Steve Ellison take over the Ghetto Blasters? Although it really wouldn't have mattered if Al had picked up another RB anyways, he was still outscored by 61 points. This week the Blasters return to full strength, Faulk will start, Flutie will play, and Bettis will flourish. Faulk and Bettis should provide most of the scoring for the Blasters as they face weak run defenses in the Panthers and Browns. Flutie will play, but he will not remember who his opponent is and he'll probably forget if his team won or not. Flutie is still a bit woozy from getting blasted in the noggin a week ago. I look for Flutie to be the difference in this game, providing Al and the Blasters with very little production. The diagnosis is 4-5 for the Blasters.

8.

Johnny's Mnemonics

89 points, and suddenly Nemo's whole season is turned around, well at least he thinks that. By obliterating the Blasters, Johnny's Mnemonics showed that they do in fact have a pulse. Ahman Green and Peyton Manning provided the necessary muscle to give Nemo the victory. This week Peyton Manning will have his hands full against Miami. Not to worry, Troy Brown and David Boston will have big games, each scoring a TD and gaining 100 yards. Ahman Green will lead the Packers into Soldier Field against the Bears in what will be an exciting matchup. Watch for Green to pick up 100 yards and a score. Nemo should be able to easily move past the Shock Jokes.

9.

Mystery Machine

Well the Mystery Machine is still sitting on the side of 35W. Some kids even had the nerve to slash its tires and pour sugar in its gas tank. It looks like it'll be another few days before Josh can get the parts to get her running again. Although, the parts should arrive before the weekend and Josh will have the Mystery Machine on the road again by Sunday afternoon. Josh will receive solid production from almost all of his Smith gang. Emmitt will destroy the Falcon D, Jimmy should catch a TD against Cincy, Lamar will have a monster day against the Colts, and lowly Rod will struggle against the Chargers secondary. Overall, it will be enough as the Mystery Machine gets back on the road and scores a victory.

10.

Johnnie RATS

The Rats managed to keep the Shock Doctors defeated by handing them a heartbreaking 53-47 loss last week. In doing so team owner Tim Davis also kept the battle of the brother-in-laws alive. Both John Nemo and Tim Davis are fighting for family bragging rights as they are deadlocked at 3-5. Week 9 pits the Johnnie Rats versus another feeble opponent in the Ragin Asians'. This week the tables will be turned on the Rats. Marvin Harrison will be handcuffed by the Miami secondary as will Cris Carter and Byron Chamberlain when they face Philadelphia. Tim Couch will also find times to be rough in Pittsburgh this Sunday. The only saving grace for the Rats may be Antowain Smith as he faces the Bills defense and throws down some big numbers. I really don't see Smith being enough by himself to solidify a victory. Look for the Rats to lose a close one to the Asians.

11.

Ragin' Asians

Trent Green and Ladainian Tomlinson combine to score 14 points last week. Inconsistent play like this has caused Tran to drop his last 4 games in a row. This week might not be much better. Tomlinson faces Denver on the road, yet he should still manage to score a TD and rush for at least 60 yards. Green has been up and down and all around recently. With coach Vermeil's pass first philosophy, Green should put up better numbers this week as he faces the Jets. Also look for Shaun Alexander to be good for about 80 yards. When all's said and done, Chaffee should snap out of his funk and gain a victory over the Johnnie Rats.

12.

Shock Doctor

This team was picked by critics (okay, just Nemo) to finish at the top of our league this year. Having remained defeated through 8 weeks, the Doctors have been as exciting as Nemo's Saturn vs. Marshall's Geo in a quarter mile drag race. So what really went wrong with this team? The Doctors were completely decimated by injury. For the season, stiffs Fred Taylor and Duce Staley have combined for a total of 227 yards and just 1 TD between the injury-prone pair. Staley is back but not anywhere near peak form. Taylor on the other hand is still nursing his sprained penis and looks like he will be out another few weeks. This week the Mnemonics appear on the horizon for the Doctors. Staley and McNabb are due for big days and they should produce respectable numbers against Minnesota. Maurice Smith will probably put his usual 80 yards with no score. Why pick the Doctors to win? They have lost 8 in a row and I just don't see them winning any games until Taylor is back.