Week 9

Ranking Team Name



VooDoo Daddies

This is a dream season for trader Dave. The Daddies are the only team to have generated more than 500 points, and they have seemingly faced every opponent on their worst week. This week the story is the same, the Daddies face a depleted Mario Bros. squad. Although, the catch here is that Bateson will have to sit Duante Culpepper and Randy Moss. Woops! Bateson is hoping Curtis Martin will compensate and have a huge week. Seeing that Martin faces a ferocious Saints D-line, look for Martin to put up mediocre numbers (70 yards, TD). It will be a rough week for the Daddies who will finally lose their first game and fall into a tie with Kevin Roach and the NES gang.


Mario Bros. All Stars

Ouch, Kevin Roach has to sit Kurt Warner and he is facing the only remaining undefeated team in our league. 9 times out of 10, I would say this game will be uglier than Cal Ripken's daughter (see pathetic Coke commercial). Not the case here, Roach will offset Warner's absence by inserting Matt Hasselbeck. The Seattle QB, who has been a stiff to this point, should perform nicely this week against a wretched Washington defense. Team owners Bateson and Roach will have all eyes focused on the Saints vs. Jets game, which features the head to head match-up of their two stud RBs. In this game, I see Ricky Williams going over 120 yards and picking up a TD. Roach will come out of week 8 with a victory and a share of the conference lead.



The Lennies silenced many of their haters, mainly myself, by scoring 84 points last week. The scary thing is that Marshall did this without the services of his top player, Brett Favre. This week Favre faces a tight Tampa Bay secondary that will limit his production. Not a problem for the Lennies as Garrison Hearst and Travis Henry have huge weeks over pathetic run defenses in Detroit and Indianapolis, respectively. As much as I hate to admit this, the Lennies will come out on top and increase their lead in the NFC.


Playerz Club

The Playerz squeaked past Schwie's Ladies in what will go down as the most memorable Schwie Dual. As the brothers raced down Ryan Ave. Brad took a solid lead in what should have been a gimme. Yet at the last minute Brad got his shoelace tangled in the chain of his red 10 speed and then hit a pothole to go flying over his handlebars at the finish line. He went home crying while younger brother Wes beat him by a half a bike length. Whew! The emotional toil of last week's victory will be costly for the Playerz this week. Schwie has to sit Corey Dillon and insert Stephen Davis in his place. Stephen Davis should perform adequately against the Seattle run defense. On Monday night, the Playerz will have to count on big numbers from Tim Brown and Charlie Garner; although, it probably will not happen. In the end, look for Schwie to pick-up his first loss in 4 weeks.


Ghetto Blasters

Al Bernick has slowly crept back into contention in the NFC. Bernick's bad attitude bunch has won 2 in a row and they look poised to make a run towards the title. Although, that run will be on hold for a week as Jerome Bettis and the rest of the Blasters face a tough schedule. Bettis will manage about 70 yards against the Ravens in Pittsburgh. Doug Flutie should have a decent outing in KC, yet in that same contest Derrick Alexander will be about as useful as a WNBA dunk competition. The Blasters will fall to the Mnemonics in a snoozer.


Schwie's Ladies

As if losing to his younger brother by a mere point wasn't insult enough, the Ladies appear to be hampered by injuries across the lineup. Eddie George has proven to be about as solid as a Shane Schilling police alibi. Jeff Garcia has filled Steve Young's footsteps nicely (of suffering concussions). And Michael Pittman's week 8 status remains a looming question for Brad Schwie. This week times will be tough as the injury burdened Ladies fall to the Mystery Machine.


Mystery Machine

Josh Eschenbach finally got the Mystery Machine towed to a repair station. Apparently, the van had blown a head gasket and also needed to have its radiator flushed. After Josh had it repaired he decided to take it for spin down 35 again. The van was running smoothly when all of the sudden, Josh noticed what appeared to be an NES, several game cartridges, and other accessories scattered all over the road. Josh swerved to avoid running over the 8 bit Nintendo, and luckily he missed. Instead he drove the Mystery Machine directly into the cement divider. Smoke started to pour out from under the van and Josh simply opened the hood and dialed the highway helper once more. What luck this team has had! The most potent NFC offense, yet they are 3 games out of first place. This week the Mystery Machine will try to get back on the road as they face Schwie's Ladies. A big factor for 3-bean is Emmitt Smith's status. Assuming Emmitt is able to shake the dust off his ancient knees, he should have a decent game against the Giants. Josh should be able to count on significant points from Griese as he has a shootout with the Raiders on Monday night. Josh is facing a depleted Schwie's Ladies so a victory for the Mystery Machine seems a given.


Ragin' Asians

The Asians came out like gangbusters last week scoring 76 points, but still managed to pick up the loss. Ouch! That is a painful loss to swallow, but Chaffee should follow up last week's performance with some big time numbers once again. Look for Ladanian Tomlinson to roast the KC defense for 130 yards and 2 TDs. Don't be surprised if Shaun Alexander puts up similar numbers as the Seahawks face the Redskins in Washington. Chaffee will move 1 game closer to .500 and put himself in a position to make a run towards securing a spot in the upper half of the conference.


Ragin Asians'

Derek Wolter finally got the bitches a victory last week over the Shock Jokes. This week the Bitches may be forced to play without the services of stud Edgerrin James. If James does not play it will be ugly for the Bitches who also play without top wideout Isabella Bruce, who is out with the bye. Rich Gannon should put up some solid numbers against the Bronco defense on Monday night, but it will be meaningless. The Bitches fall to the Asians and slide to 3-5.


Johnnie RATS

Maybe Tim Davis will learn that if you have both starting RBs in a Viking-Bucanneer game, you always go with the Buc player. Considering the fact that Warrick Dunn was hurt too, should have been a no brainer for the Rats. This time around Davis is forced to start Alstott as he squares off against the Packers in Lambeau. This should be an interesting battle, but I look for Alstott to put up more Alstott-like numbers, 50 yards and a TD. The outlook for Davis this week is bleak. Trung Canidate and Cris Carter are forced to sit due to bye weeks and Steve McNair should be pathetic as usual. Watch the Rats go down to the Shock Jokes.


Johnny's Mnemonics

Could the Mnemonics sink any lower? Yes they could, but they will not. The Mnemonics have suffered 5 consecutive defeats and team owner John Nemo is more anxious than ever to pull a deal. This week Peyton Manning will lead the Mnemonics as he shoots down the Bills defense in Buffalo. Ahman Green is rested and ready to run wild over the Bucs d-line. Green should put up 90 yards and a score. Look for the Mnemonics to snap their 5 game skid and score a victory over the Ghetto Blasters.


Shock Doctor

The Doctors were simply pathetic last week. McScab and Staley were big time sore spots on the Doctors side as they squandered a measly 17 points total. Ish Ish! This week the Doctors should see some solid production from the Staley-McScab duo as they run wild over the dismal Arizona defense. You heard it hear, the Shock Doctors finally rope their first victory.