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Week 8

Ranking Team Name

Comments

1.

VooDoo Daddies

Will this team ever lose? Yes, and it will happen this week. The Voodoo Daddies have been more dominant than a Ping-Pong match pitting David vs. Abby Bateson. Yet this week the Daddies winning streak will end at 6. Culpepper and Moss both face a tough Buccaneer defense in Tampa Bay. Culpepper will still be good for his usual 20 points, but Moss will be about as big of a hit as a Bin Laden Halloween costume. Cuanzo Martin should scorch the pathetic Panther defense, but it will not matter as the Daddies lose to the Asians in a high scoring affair.

2.

Legend of Zelda All Stars

The Legend of Zelda All-Stars have their work cut out for them this week. Kurt Warner and Ricky Williams face each other, head to head, in what should be an interesting matchup in St. Louis. Chalk Williams up for 90 yards and a score. Warner, on the other hand, should break out of his offensive slump. I see 300 yards and 3 TDs on the horizon for Warner. Look for Mario Bros. and Company to slide past the Mystery Machine.

3.

Lennies

What is something the Taliban network and the Lennies have in common? Everyone hates them. Team owner Osama Bin Marshall is forced to start stiff Aaron Brooks as Brett Favre sits out with a bye this week. Look for Brooks, Mike Anderson, and Garrison Hearst to be about as productive as John Nemo underneath the hood of his Saturn. The Lennies will come out of the week 6-1, only because the Lennies are facing a completely depleted Mnemonics squad.

4.

Playerz Club

The high-rolling Playerz Club has been hotter than a Penthouse magazine in the St. Rose boy's locker room. Although, this week the Playerz will have a daunting task as they face-off against the Schwie's Ladies. Like most Schwie battles, this one will live up to its billing. Priest Holmes and Corey Dillon should have big games as they face the Colts and the Lions respectively. Newly acquired Tom Brady should have a decent game against a so-so Bronco secondary. The forecast here is that the Playerz Club squeaks by his older brother in an epic Schwie duel.

5.

Schwie's Ladies

The Ladies have one goal in mind, win the division; thus, securing a high seeding for the playoffs. As of late, the Ladies are headed in the right direction. After starting the year 0-2, the Ladies have won 3 of the past 4 and look poised to make a late season surge. This week studs Jeff Garcia and Tony Gonzalez should provide excellent numbers against flimsy secondary's. The problem here is that Schwie's RB situation is worse than a Keanu Reeves movie. Eddie George and Stacy "Who" will be about as nonexistent as morals are in the Marshall household. Brad's strive towards the top of the division will become a little more difficult as they fall below .500.

6.

Ghetto Blasters

Unconfirmed reports have been floating around that team owner Al Bernick has purchased a telephone; albeit, a rotary one. So while Al is taking steps, smaller than Abby Bateson's, towards moving into the 21st century, his team has taken a giant step backwards. Injuries to Marshall Faulk and Michael Bennett have forced Al to start lone back Jerome Bettis. The bus has done well for Bernick as of late and should have another big game against the Titans this week. St. Paul stiff Chris Weinke will also have a monster game against the Jets at home. Although, unless Al can acquire another back before Sunday, look for Bernick and the gang to fall to the Rats in a tight battle.

7.

Johnnie RATS

Wow 93 points! The Johnnie Rats scored more than Travis Henry at a Junior High Dance. Surprise Trung Canidate sparked the Rats to victory, as he accounted for half of the team's points. This week look for Canidate to gain 150 total yards and a TD. Harrison and Carter will have low yardage weeks, yet they should still be able to find the end zone. As I said once before, unless the Blasters can acquire another RB, look for the Rats to come out on top.

8.

Mystery Machine

Either Josh Eschenbach is unaware that NFL teams do have bye weeks or he has just been completely overtaken by apathy. This week the bye will force Josh to play without a kicker. Not a real big deal. Whether or not Brian Griese will be effective is a whole different story. The good news is that Emmitt Smith faces a weak Cardinal defense at home. The bad news is that Lamar Smith and Jimmy Smith will provide very little help. Watch for the Mystery Machine to lose in a heartbreaker to Mario Bros. and company.

9.

Ragin Asians'

Asians owner Chaffee Tran is furious as his team has dropped the last 2 games in a row. While Chaffee Tran is more pissed off than a New York City cab driver, he will find redemption with his team's performance this week. Shaun Alexander and Ladanian Tomlinson should provide a huge punch for the Asians. Watch for Tomlinson to top 100 yards with 2 scores and Alexander to put up numbers slightly inferior to Tomlinson's. Whether Trent Green comes alive will be the question. I foresee Green displaying flashes of successes as he throws for 200 yards and 2 TDs. In the end Tran will move 1 game closer to .500 as he upsets the Voodoo Daddies.

10.

Johnny's Mnemonics

The Mnemonics have been completely comatose for the past 4 weeks. This week the story will not be much different. Nemo is forced to shelf Ahman Green and rely on Terry Allen for a big week. It won't happen though. Allen should provide decent numbers, but nothing worth writing home about. Peyton Manning will be engaged in a Thursday night shootout with Kansas City and should be good for his usual 18-20 points. Manning's effort will be in vain as the Mnemonics fall to the Lennies in a tight battle.

11.

D's Bitches

Since week 2 the Bitches have been a complete disappointment. Isabella Bruce and Kineesha McCardell have received fewer passes than Patrick Maroney in a singles club (sorry D if you don't get the joke). This week Edgerrin James and James Stewart should provide sufficient numbers as they take on fluff defenses in Kansas City and Cincinnati, respectively. Rich Gannon, on the other hand, will be quieter than a church mouse. Look for Derek to come out victorious as he squares off against a diminished Shock Joke squad.

12.

Shock Doctor

I am at a loss for words when it comes to this team. This week will not be much better for the Doctors as Maurice Smith is forced to sit and Duce Staley (if he ever plays) faces a tough Oakland defensive line. The only hope, Donovan McNabb, should put up good numbers in the air against the Oakland secondary. The question here is whether Keyshawn Johnson will have another big week? Against Minnesota, quite possibly. Yet, the Shock Jokes will have to remain defeated for one more week.