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Week 7

Ranking Team Name

Comments

1.

VooDoo Daddies

Well I've got to hand it to Bateson, even though he has become a sick twisted voodoo magician, he holds the reins to the most powerful team in our league. Workhorses like Culpepper and Curtis Martin have pulled this wagon along as they stampede opponents week in and week out. I can see week 7 now…Bateson cackles loudly and gives a crack to the reins. Up ahead on the road he sees the Shock Doctors, limping and struggling to get out of the way. Yet Bateson commands the horses to run faster and steers the wagon in the direction of Wilson and Hudoba who lay badly injured on the dirt road. Under the thunderous roar of the 8 Clydesdales, a faint cry his heard from the Doctors, "I love you Rob…" Wilson struggles, "I love you too Tony."

2.

Super Mario All Stars

Wow, Kurt Warner has an off week and still throws for more than 300 yards. That's okay because Ricky Williams ignited the Panthers and basically carried Roach's team to victory. This week, the story will be Kurt Warner as he throws for 400+ yards and 3-4 TDs against an ultra pathetic Jet's defense. Williams should be good for at least another 120+ yards and a TD against Atlanta. Because Roach's team will be so dominant this weekend it will give him more time to his 8 bit Nintendo Entertainment System. 5-1 here they come!

3.

Lennies

The Lennies are due for a loss and this is the week it is going to happen. While Brett Favre will put up numbers bigger than Joe Staierts bar tab, the rest of the team will merely be decent. Okay Torry Holt will be good for his usual 80 yards and a TD, but Mike Anderson will be completely shut down by the fierce Charger's defense. So everyone, next week let's all rub it in Marshall's face on the chat forum. Hehehe!

4.

Ragin Asians'

Terrell Davis, Jamal Lewis out for the year. Who cares? This team has more than mended the wounds left by Davis and Lewis. Insert Ladanian Tomlinson and Shaun Alexander. Tomlinson and Alexander, so far, have combined for a total of 12 TDs. If Trent Green can ever find the end zone, this team will be extremely dangerous come playoff time. For now, Chaffee should see some big numbers from Green as he demolishes the pathetic Arizona secondary. Tomlinson should put up 100 yards and a TD. Due to Alexander's bye, Chaffee is forced to start stiff Olandis Gary, and it will cost him a victory this week. Watch as Chaffee loses to the Mario Bros. All Stars.

5.

Playerz Club

Okay I am sure people are wondering how the hell this team is ranked 5th. You guessed it, I am biased as hell. Well, before you click back to the main page in disgust, keep this in mind: The Playerz Club have won 2 games in a row and they look primed to make a midseason run. Corey Dillon should have a decent game at home against the Bears, and Priest Holmes should duplicate last week's numbers (150 yards, 2 TDs) as he destroys the Cardinals defense in Arizona. The younger Schwie also gives the nod to newly acquired Tom Brady, over the woozy Grbac, to lead the Playerz to a .500 record.

6.

Schwie's Ladies

The Ladies scorched Bernick and his bad attitude bunch by 47 points last week. Yet, this week it will be a completely different story. The Ladies, for once, will get a decent game from Eddie George. Stacy Mack should manage to run for at least 90 yards and a score on Thursday against the Bills. Although, it's going to be a real battle against the Mnemonics this week. If you happen to stop by the Schwie house this weekend you will probably find Brad pacing his PowerBook and rubbing his upper lip in agony. It will be a real nail biter, in the end Brad will come out with a loss.

7.

Ghetto Blasters

Al Bernick had the scare of his season last week as Marshall Faulk fell to the turf grabbing his knee. Early prognosis is he is out 3-4 weeks, but wait, oh I guess he is okay now and will probably start this weekend. What a joke! I think Faulk looked ahead at the schedule and realized he is facing a miserable Jet's defense. Well, if Faulk actually does start look for him to put up giant numbers. Chris Weinke and Derrick Alexander (if he plays) should have huge days as well. Chalk it up as a W for the Blasters.

8.

Mystery Machine

The past three weeks this team has been about as exciting as a WNBA game. Eschenbach's Smith squad has not scored more then 60 points since week 2. That is pathetic! This week will be a complete horror story for the Mystery Machine. Eschenbach loses both Lamar and Emmitt Smith to the bye and who is he going to replace them with, Moe Williams and Tony Richardson? Hahaha! With these two stiffs at RB, the Mystery Machine have to rely solely on Brian Griese and Rod Smith. Not a bad idea, but considering the fact they are facing a tough San Diego D, the Mystery Machine will be lucky to score more then 40 points.

9.

D's Bitches

After 3 straight losses, Derek Wolter is just scratching his head, wondering, "what happened." As I have learned through my many fantasy seasons, success is 10% owner skill and 90% crossing your fingers and just hoping. As Derek and the Bitches have struggled the past 3 weeks they will get rewarded nicely this week with huge numbers from Edgerrin James and Isaac Bruce. Kerry Collins will have an off week at home against the Eagles, but it won't matter as the Bitches overcome the Johnnie Rats and get back to .500.

10.

Johnny's Mnemonics

Speaking of bad luck. The Mnemonics have averaged 48 points a game for the last 3 weeks. After averaging 89 points a game for the first 2 weeks, we are left asking "What is the deal?" Well John Nemo's fantasy football teams are about as consistent as his Nemstradamus predictions, so this may have been expected. Hehe! Well the good news for Nemo is that Ahman Green faces the Vikings this week, in other words, look for Green to have a career day. Oh and what's this, Terry Glenn is back! Nemo finally has a threat at the No.2 receiver spot. Look for Glenn to exploit Indianapolis for a big play or two. 3-3 baby!

11.

Johnnie RATS

Tim Davis and the Johnnie Rats just can't seem to get anything going. His team had their best offensive week of the season, yet they were still pummeled by the Daddies. This week the story is no different. Cris Carter and Tim Couch will be worse than the movie Corky Romano. Marvin Harrison should be good for his usual 80 yards and a TD, but it will not be enough as the Johnnie Rats fall to 1-5.

12.

Shock Doctor

This season may go down as the worst fantasy football season ever for any one team. And yes, I do remember the days when we had crappy teams like the Mets and Fighting Carp. This season for the doctors is a total nightmare, and things don't appear to be getting any better. Yes Duce Staley, may return this weekend, but he will definitely play a limited role. Maurice Smith is going to be completely bottled up against a fierce Saints defense. Could things get any worse? Yes, the Doctors are playing the best team in our league, the Voodoo Daddies.