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Week 2

Ranking Team Name

Comments

1.

Ragin' Asians

Steady performances by Shaun Alexander and Ladanian Tomlinson paced Chaffee to the easy win last week against the Johnnie Homos. Chaffee's rickshaw should continue rolling this week as Tomlinson and Alexander face pathetic D's in Houston and Arizona, respectively. Throw in Peyton Manning at home against the Dolphins (who gave up three TDs to the Lions) and Chaffee should be poised for a big day against the Schwie's Ladies.

2.

VooDoo Daddies

Culpepper and Moss overheated and sputtered worse than a Geo Metro cruising down I-35 on a hot summer afternoon. By normal fantasy standards this team still had a great week. Yet, with studs like Faulk, Martin, Culpepper, and Moss you expect more than 71 points in a week. This week Bateson and his cast should bounce back with a huge win against the hapless D's Bitches. Culpepper and Moss will scorch the Bills secondary while Faulk will rush and receive for a pair of touchdowns against the Giants.

3.

Lennies

Priest Holmes single-handedly carried the Lennies to victory last week over the Shock Jokes. With it the Lennies will surely be ripped, taunted, and chastised all over the Chat Forum this week, at least we hope. This week the Lennies should put up another monster week. Marvin Harrison should destroy the Dolphins DB's for a couple of scores. Garrison Hearst might be slowed because the Niners will be engaged in a shootout with Denver, although not to worry because this just means more points for Terrell Owens. All in all, chalk up another W for the, once again, most hated team in the league.

4.

Playerz Club

Corey Dillon: 9 carries for 10 yards = Pathetic! Although, when your star player only nets you 1 point and you still manage to score 65 points and claim the victory, you have to breath a sigh of relief. That was exactly the sigh that the young Schwie breathed after a poor Dillon outing. Although, this week there will be no room for error. Stephen Davis will continue to put up studly numbers as he plays the Eagles on Monday Night. Corey Dillon should bounce back with a solid performance against the Browns, I mean look what Priest Holmes did last week against them (122 yds rush, 4 TDs). Although, until then Schwie will be holding his breath. In the end, I see the Playerz losing a close one to the Lennies.

5.

Schwie's Ladies

Is this a sign of things to come? Has the Madbomber come out of retirement? In what was probably the biggest upset since Brock Lesnar defeated The Rock, the Ladies defeated the Daddies in an ultra tight 1-point contest. Like a young Brad Schwie with an empty 2-liter bottle, a wad of aluminum foil, and a bottle of the Works, the Ladies exploded for 72 points. The Ladies should continue to roll this week as Jeff Garcia bounces back with a shootout against the Broncos. Eddie George should also put up some big time numbers against the overrated Dallas defense. If Marty Booker can put up 189 yards receiving against the Vikings, then Eric Moulds should be good for at least 250. Well maybe not that many, but Moulds is still in line for a huge game against the Vikings. This week against the Asians', it'll be another high scoring affair with the Ladies just coming out on top.

6.

6. Bill Walsh All Stars

The All-Stars sure came out to play last week. Ricky "Paxil" Williams had his coming out party as a Miami Dolphin, Kurt Warner had a subpar afternoon yet still managed to pass for 300 yards, and Amani Toomer had a huge night against the Niners last Thursday. This week shouldn't be much different. Williams should be good for an outing similar to his debut last week, and Kurt Warner should land on his feet with a monster day against the Giants at home. Mario Bros. should have more than enough for the win as they take on the Ghetto Blasters.

7.

Johnny's Mnemonics

Watching Michael Bennett play football is like watching Elaine dance on Seinfeld. Just plain UGLY! Despite Bennett and his early woes, the Mnemonics still managed to score the easy victory over Flight Pattern. Fred Taylor looked solid against the Colts and should do even better against the Chiefs this week. Lucky for Nemo that Donovan McNabb faces the Redskins in what should be a shootout on Monday Night. As for Bennett he'll continue to look like the stiff that he is. Prognosis: Mnemonics take down the Shock Jokes.

8.

Ghetto Blasters

Plaxico Burress and Laveranues Coles were more pathetic than a pair of Toyota Echos drag racing at BIR. This week might not be much different either. Coles faces the Patriots at home and he just might duplicate the horrible outing that Burress had on Monday. The good news here is that Anthony Thomas should manage at least 100 yards and a score against the miserable Falcons defense. Last week Michael Vick ran wild against the Packers defense and that should be good news for Aaron Brooks. Although, I don't expect McAllister to have a big performance in that same contest. Ouch! It looks like 0-2 for the Blasters!

9.

Shock Doctor

The Shock Jokes lived down to their hype this week as they played dead against the Lennies. The only bright spot in the Docs lineup was Michael Vick. Vick gave the Packers fits all day and showed the NFL that he really is a special QB. Clinton Portis also shrugged off some of the haters as he had a fumble free outing against the Rams, 5 carries for 35 yards, not bad. Alright, I am taking side bets on when Keyshawn Johnson will score his first TD of the year. Week 15? 16? 17? This week the Shock Doctors face Johnny's Mnemonics in what will be a snoozer of a contest. Don't wake me unless either team cracks 60 points... zzzz...

10.

Johnnie RATS

Davis' Rats seem to have about as much luck as a Johnnie in a singles bar. Although, when your roster includes Brett Favre, Ahman Green, and stiff central. What do you expect? This week Favre and Green should post respectable numbers in New Orleans. If Davis starts Jamal Lewis look for him to do next to nothing against the Bucs this week. Lucky for Davis that he takes on Flight Pattern as the Rats escape with the victory.

11.

Flight Pattern

Not surprisingly Flight Pattern found itself under severe enemy fire last week against the hostile ground forces of Johnny's Mnemonics. Mike Alstott and William Green were about as lame as the St. Rose Cub Scout Pinewood Derby. Yet, on a positive note Steve "Air" McNair showed that the Titan offense is alive and well as he shredded the Eagle defense on the ground and in the air. This week the task gets a bit easier as Flight Pattern takes on the Johnnie Rats. Steve McNair is set for another huge game as he heads to Dallas. As well, Rod Smith should haul in a touchdown or two against the Niners. This contest should be a close one, but I see Winn's Flight Pattern losing by a close margin.

12.

D's Bitches

Derek Wolter and the Bitches are getting a head start on the race to the Toilet Bowl. Jonathon Wells' rookie debut was about as thrilling as a Totino-Grace girls hockey game. In fact, the only player worth mentioning was Rich Gannon. The Raider QB had a solid afternoon against the Seahawks throwing for a pair of scores and totaling over 200 yards. This week Gannon takes the Sunday night stage and will post numbers nothing better then mediocre against the Steelers. The Edge looks like he will have his work cut out for him as he faces a Dolphins stiff defensive front. As for Jonathon Wells, Ish Ward! It looks like the Bitches will get steamrolled by the Daddies.